


It's 6 In The Morning (I'm Still Awake)

by Hnotonfire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying Dean, Dean Can't Cope, Dean Winchester Can't Say "I Love You", Grief/Mourning, Hurt Dean, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inspired by Music, Jo Harvelle Dies, Past Jo Harvelle/Dean Winchester, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 17:59:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hnotonfire/pseuds/Hnotonfire
Summary: Inspired by Fitz and The Tantrums's 6 AM.Insomniac Dean is awake on 6 AM and listens to a familiar song on the radio that made him think of a certain blonde.





	It's 6 In The Morning (I'm Still Awake)

_30th November, 2013_

 

 

 

 

Dean never actually thought the hunt would went well. But it did, anyway. He and Sam killed it, although they were struggling very hard at first. He almost die from that stupid Vampire but luckily Sam has his back. 

"Dude, let's get some rest. I'm beat." 

He could hear Sam mutter behind him as they went into the bunker. Sam quickly went upstairs to his room while Dean casually stroll into the Bunker's kitchen to grab himself a well deserving beer after that intense hunt.

He chug down the cheap beer, blood still on the side of his face. But he didn't care. He can clean off later. Not that he care. 

 

 

-

 

 

He lie on his bed, now clean from blood. Just staring at the ceiling with nothing in his head and heart made him feel even more lonely. He shouldn't feel that way, but hey, he's human after all. 

He try closing his eyes to sleep, yet he wasn't able to. His mind and body won't drift off to dreamland. So he's alone still, with Sammy already asleep. 

He look at the clock on his bedside table, with nothing else to do. 

_6:00 am_

He let out a loud sigh only audible to himself in the dark room. Lately, he can't sleep. Dean didn't know what is wrong with him, or better yet, why is his heart have been thinking of  _Jo._

_Jo's dead, Dean. Get that out of your head._

_She's gone, asshole. Stop thinking about her!_

Yet Dean can't seem to let go the shadow of his past. The encounter, the laugh. The guilt. 

The love.

He has been so tired of sleeping. He's tired of that simple action alone, an act where scientists tell us to do at least 8 hours a day, drifting off to peace, yet there is nothing peaceful anymore in his sleep. He found himself dreaming about a certain blonde girl. He saw the way she die, again, in his sleep. And he saw the way they were so good to each other yet he let that chance slip away twice.

He gets tired of sleeping _._

And somehow Dean wished that he could get those days again. The days where he and Jo would run back and forth in their unique relationships. The times where he would flirt with Jo, with Ellen behind them, keeping an eye on them. The days where he could make it right for the both of them. Yet he doesn't know how to. 

He really don't.

All this plans about getting her to love him, they're all in his head, fresh for him to use. Yet how can he? She's dead. Gone. And she won't be coming back. Not now, not ever. 

All his hopes. They were gone. 

So to ease the tension within himself, Dean went to the table across from his bed to turn on the radio, to make himself feel a little better. 

 

 

 

 

 

_"And I can't fight this feeling, anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_

_And throw away the oars, forever."_

 

 

 

 

 

 

He stand still for while as soon as he turn on the radio. That song...

"REO, Speedwagon..."

He mutter to himself, remembering the song that Jo open in the old music box in the Roadhouse. The ones he complained about, and Jo smile as soon as it started playing. The ones where he and Sam walk out of and into the car, Dean sing with all his heart, as if trying to explain his feelings to Jo. 

Awake, and with his torn up heart, he listens as the song goes on in 6 am. He close his eyes, remembering what it's like to love. What it's like to yearn. And what it's like to lose. 

A love song's playing, yet he knew too damn well that this is not for him. It was for him, yet it's not anymore. Because the girl that he loves is gone.

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm try'na keep on, try'na move on, beyond this pain._

_Before I break._

 

 

 

 

 

the song rings in his head, yet he can't find himself singing along, since that feeling of falling in love is already out of his league. He felt numb. Torn up. All the heart aches that he never felt before. 

It's crazy 'cause he find himself missing the old days.  _He_ of all people, the man who claim he won't ever fall in love, misses the times where he spent his days with Jo, that he can't explain it. 

It's hard to explain, because he's not the type to whine and longs for someone. That's not him. 

Her eyes, her hair, her smiles. He misses them.

If only he was too brave to tell her how he feels. How he really wants them to be together.

And if only he could tell Jo his feelings, even when she returned as a ghost. 

Yet he's still him. The coward.  

Oh, he really want the days where they were on the same page. 

 

 

 

 

 

_"Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor_

_Come crashing through your door_

_Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore."_

 

 

 

 

 

Dean turn off the radio finally, his tears now falling. He walk to his bed slowly and lie down on it. 

He smiled, a bitter one as he remembers what they both once said. 

"Wrong place, wrong time, huh, Jo?"

 

 

 

 

_It's 6 in the morning, I'm still awake_

_My sleepless heart is torn up, babe._

_A love song's on the radio, but these words_

_I hear they're not for me, no._

_They're not for me, no._

 

 

 

 


End file.
